Another first for me as a writer – an attempt at ‘serious’ poetry (no sniggering at the back there!) that doesn’t rhyme. It’s got metaphors in it, so it must be the real deal… 
The original idea came after a call for poetry from Chrissey Harrison, on behalf of The Great Escape website. This, and four other poems by other writers are posted there for your delectation. Just click the on the link. Enjoy. 
The brief was to write a poetic piece about, “The Night Sky.” Initially I thought it would be easy, after all the night sky is easy to be poetic about, right? Too easy as it turns out…
Ever since “Twinkle twinkle little star…” poets have been looking at the starry heavens for inspiration, and to impress the bird who lives at no. 43; the one with the lisp, jutting chin, and boils. Sorry. Anyway, it took a long time to find an idea that wasn’t just going to be a clichéd re-hash of over-used themes. I hope I’ve succeeded. Please let me know what you think, and what you think it’s about, in the comments (and yes, you are allowed to say you don’t like it, although stating why will enable you to justifiably wear your air of intellectual smugness). I hope you enjoy it…
Aftermath of a Stormy Night.
Roiling inside, she boils like pitch.
Once sensuous, caressing; now seething, enveloping;
White silks’ soft seductions torn and re-sewn into her black gravid cloak folds;
Wreathed around her in the vain pursuit of solace, they just seal in the cold.
The slighted mistress’ vindictive rage is unleashed in an envious ejaculation of impotent hate,
A transient sonic satiation, its hollow echoes reverberating to nothing.
Time after time, the very earth trembles,
But her vainglorious heart remains unappeased.
Where once lovers’ soft whispers caressed,
The gentlest of stolen touches hardened to unseen ebon-painted talons,
That picked, plucked, ensnared.
Now venting her unrequited fury, howling, she rends any and all she touches –
Heedless of the broken lives she leaves behind.
Silvered electric arc-lights play in her indigo hair,
Callous barbed pins hypnotizing entranced watchers,
Fixating them like moths to her collector’s board.
After-images play across the velvet undulating contours of her cloaked breast,
Each an incandescent reflection of her caprice.
Yet Time permeates all,
And pours forth an unrelenting deluge of Justice from which there is no sanctuary.
It gathers, into a swollen torrent, seeking to bear her away,
As alone, reviled, she shelters foetally in the bed she failed to make,
Her cloak sodden with love’s lost cold, bitter tears.
∞
‘Aftermath Of A Stormy Night.’ A poem by T. James, © 31st October, 2011.
14 comments
November 3, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Nicely done TJ. Evocative and thought provoking.
November 3, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Thanks Gareth, I really appreciate the feedback. Poetry is a strange beastie, and you can never be sure if it will be well received or not…
November 3, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Well, your serious poem is a success, TJ. Love the ‘seal in the cold’…vivid images, good rhythm.
Brava, friend:)
November 5, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Thanks Anne, having written a few ‘comedy’ poems I thought I’d try something serious, and I’m glad you liked it.
November 3, 2011 at 11:40 pm
great work, TJ…really enjoyed it…it reminded me of me when I’m angry lol
Loved the imagery!
November 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm
When I wrote it I promise I didn’t have you in mind, at all. If you have a temper like I imagined the lady in the piece to have, then I am officially scared *grabs cushion, and runs to hide behind the sofa like a little girl* :-O
November 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm
I liked it, very emotive piece and well done
One thing you may want to change is the mixed metaphors – you talk of the sky in terms of being a woman, a mistress, then suddenly say she unleashes her rage in terms of ejaculation and impotence. It confuses the overall feel of the poem and so early on it just made me focus on that rather than the poem, so I had to start over and ignore it.
Other than that, a totally enjoyable piece. The bird no. 43 would be proud
November 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Thank you Natalie, I’m glad you enjoyed it overall. I take your point about my choice of words, both have very strong masculine associations. I think I shall re-visit the poem at some point, and have another look at that section, after I’ve caught up with some of my other projects…
I appreciate your honest feedback.
November 8, 2011 at 1:55 am
It may be too subtle, but I’ve used ‘envious’ to change the meaning of the line. I don’t know if, for you, that will be a radical enough revision, but it needed something…
November 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm
While reading your poem I was thinking about the Sky & Earth & the Sea & their always changing & ever lasting relationship.
To me your words des. relationships between people not only lovers but humanity in general. We have ups & down mixed with all the possible feelings we people can experience.
I liked it a lot.Reminded me of the poems from the 1800′s.
November 13, 2011 at 3:16 am
Thank you Magda, poetry is a deeply personal thing, and perhaps like painting, provides a canvas for the observer’s own emotions and interpretations…
I’m glad you found something personal in this piece.
November 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm
TJ, this has a certain ring of familiarity. I find withing an emotional roller-coaster with incredible intensity.
It’s a vivid reminder of the vast possibilities that lie within personal relationships. If this is a first, it is an excellent start!
November 25, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Thank you Rich, from someone whose poetry I admire, that’s a great compliment.
November 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Vivid imagery TJ. Love turned to hate, comfort into cold. A great feeling of loss and emptiness. Beautifully done.