When at work or in any social situation with women — to avoid upsetting them, accusations of misogyny and potential arrest — men should always do the following:

Stare at the ceiling. Never make eye contact. Never allow your gaze to alight anywhere, especially below the neck, even if she is wearing a skirt up to her backside and shirt open to her crotch. Several million years of evolution is no excuse for even glancing at a woman’s body. Objectification has no biological basis or procreative use. There is no scientific evidence of women objectifying men.

Never speak. Any male expressing any slightly controversial or contradictory opinion is guilty of mansplaining, which as we all know is a form of harassment by an oppressor and therefore misogyny, which will soon be illegal.

Never sit comfortably. Park bench, tube or bus seat, it doesn’t matter. The fact you have sensitive testicles and larger upper-leg muscle mass than most women is not an excuse. Close those knees, crush those nuts and stop manspreading. An additional benefit for white men is a lower sperm count. Play your part in reducing the number of white people, thereby reducing colonialism and oppression of minority wimmin. Continue reading

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