I was born in England on the 16th February; a midlander growing up just far enough away from Birmingham that I avoided having a Brummy accent, and having to regularly shop at the Bullring.

I went to school, where I managed to get a few more pieces of paper than most of my friends. This however failed to make me either a better person, or equip me for Total World Domination. Now I have been married for over ten years my wife insists I work on the former rather than the latter. For the present I have reluctantly agreed. My gains in this area remain somewhat questionable.

In the loneliness and desolation of my single years, where I got up to nothing suspicious, illegal, or questionable at all *ahem*, I somehow managed to convince two universities to give me a degree. If questioned both institutions (unnamed to protect their reputations) would likely disavow any knowledge of my attendance, but two more pieces of paper say I became knowledgeable in the areas of science, and therapy during my time there. However. extended self-experimentation, and solo counselling sessions, have both failed to give me either the super-powers, or superior mental and emotion abilities necessary to take over the world. I am currently perusing legal action for lost earnings, to the total sum due to one working for forty years as Despot of the Planet. Strangely all legal aides have refused to take my case forward, but I remain hopeful.

My greatest achievement to date is probably my son, born in 2007. I am informed by my wife that she feels she should be given some credit for this, but I think she is merely jealous of my accomplishment. She tries to base her spurious arguments on a few trifles and technicalities, but I love her deeply so I simply respond with my best indulgent smile, which she finds utterly endearing.

Advice from assorted PR pundits tells me that readers seek to establish a relationship with the author of work that moves them, and so I should share some intimate facts about myself, to strengthen and nurture this bond. To me this seems like a strange idea, reading has always leant itself to being a solitary activity, especially as having someone leaning over your shoulder whilst you are doing it is extremely annoying. As for my work moving my readers, well that seems most likely to happen if they swallow some of the pages down with a glass of warm milk, but I do not recommend this as grass is a readily available source of roughage, and is considerably more plentiful, and hence cheaper.

Oh well, if I must: My reading over the years has tended towards fantasy and science-fiction, but I have probably read at least one book from each major genre. I undertook this task so I would appear to be a cultured man-of-the-world. Appearances can be deceptive.

I used to spend inordinate amounts of time playing computer games. Then I had to get a job, and get married, and have a son. My gaming was curtailed somewhat, but being of such a generous disposition I sequentially forgave my employer, my wife and my son. This was probably not as easy as it should have been.

However, that is all in the past. For now, for better or worse, I am a writer. Computer games enabled me to engage in megalomaniacal ( I don’t care if it isn’t actually a word; I like it, therefore, in my own biography, I will use it) wish fulfilment inside the fantasies of others. As a writer I now have complete control; not only over the main character, but of all the characters, their world, lives, loves, and even whether they have an afterlife. Until I can assume my rightful place upon the Throne Of The World, writing will enable me to practice and hone the skills I will need when I attain utter dominion.

If you ever see my work for sale, and you choose to buy it, I will ensure things go favourably for you and your loved ones when I wield ultimate power over your worthwhile, yet humble, lives…


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