THE WORD ON THE .NET

Writer T. James' Exploration of Words, on the Internet.

Armpits: A Poem.

 

Love them or hate them, we all have them. They are counted amongst the darker, more mysterious recesses of the human body, and yet in most of western society there is no law banning their public appearances—only taboo prevents them from being openly flaunted. Shaved naked or furred, they are never listed as person’s most attractive feature. The humble armpit, or aptly abbreviated ‘pit’ if you come from the USA, is much maligned, and so I took it upon myself to lift our furry friends into the poetic realm for a much-needed boost to their public image.

 

ARMPITS


Armpits are scary, because they are hairy,

Moist, soft and dark, for germs they’re an Ark,

With the whiffs they make, grown men shake,

But with a woman’s nose? They fall into repose,

Insensate upon the ground.

Bits of fluff, and all kinds of stuff,

Become caught, on shaved pit-fur that’s short.

And if it’s longer, there’s more to ponder,

When sifting with nails, for nits with tails,

And other crawlies gone to ground.

Wives fume, at their hubby’s perfume,

When he comes in lame, sweating from the game.

But upon his wife’s scent, he cannot comment,

Else he’ll draw his last breath, and find his death,

Buried with the kitchen knife deep in the ground.

 

‘Armpits’, A poem by T. James, © 21st May, 2012.

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22 Comments

  1. Normally I can’t stand poetry, but I have to say this one touched my soul. Hahaha I love it and it made me laugh so hard. The poor misunderstood armpit’s essence was truly captured in this one. Thanks for sharing it with the world. :)

    • Thanks Bryden. Our furry friends need an advocate – it is my mission, my calling, my meaning in life. Pits are *not* the pits! ;-)

  2. I appreciate the laugh. Well done :)

  3. That’s hilarious!

    • Thanks Matthew. The trick seems to be to pick something that’s just funny – like cheese, moose, wet haddock, or armpits. Then it just writes itself… :-)

      • Moose, eh?

        A Møøse once bit my sister …

        No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
        with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
        her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and
        star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo
        Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst
        Nordfink”.

        We apologise for the fault in the
        subtitles. Those responsible have been
        sacked.

        Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…

        We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those
        responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked
        have been sacked.

        • I do not know whether to feel sorrier for your sister, or the m00se, but as long as your sister doesn’t look like the m00se – or is it worse if the m00se looks like your sister? I hope for both their sakes that is not a difficult aesthetic judgement to make… :-(

          I appreciate the multi-lingual contribution to my blog, but after your description of Svenge I have to say you have not increased my esteem for the Norwegian culture in the slightest.

          If you have any minions left working for you, you may want them to have a look at the telepromter – as the saying goes to err is human, but to completely stuff things up takes a computer…

          Thanks for the fun comment Matthew. :-)

        • Hey TJ -

          That was actually from the famous ending-credits from Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

        • Doh! Yes they were. I was having a Homer moment. I must now go and compulsively play with the light switch…

  4. Oh TJ, those words really should be read by everyone.. I strongly feel this stunning piece of literature should be studied at school by teenagers so that they too may one day write about the intricacities of the human body..
    Thanks for making me smile :)

    • Amen to that. Armpits are an undiscovered literary landscape – neglected as a part of mainstream western culture. Brad is the only one flying the flag in the media at the moment – who else will step forward and show the kiddies how to raise their elbows with pride? :-(

  5. That was beautiful, man… beautiful

    • You are a man of discernment. There is something poignant, lonely, and almost haunting in the way armpits spend their days folded out of sight in darkness – put aside and excluded because of society’s prejudice.

      Instead they should be celebrated and displayed with pride: their scent and taste explored and appreciated as connoisseurs do with a fine wine. Mine are earthy, with a piquant hint of musk (baboon I think).

  6. Tried to come up with a poem reply of my own and failed. Well done T.

    • Either inspiration was fickle, or you have an unconscious fear of your pits.

      I offer very reasonable counselling rates – I can help you love your furry friends. Love them, and they love you back. ;-)

    • Hi Angie. :-) I assume that means you liked it? It was an understandable response though. It’s summer, you are under a lot of pressure, the moon is in space and Saturn’s rings are dangerously close to Jupiter’s giant red spot. I think the only solution is the dried frogs pills. Now, where did the bursar go? ;-)

  7. Lol! But ewwwww about the nits!!! :D

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